A Few Good Men ( Just a Day in the life of TRIXIE) A story too funny not to share

 There I was, playing my usual role of “Totally Not Eavesdropping Walmart Spy” in the checkout line, when I lock eyes on Mr. Mystery in front of me. He’s got a bouquet so lush it could make Martha Stewart weep, two bottles of whiskey that scream “I’ve got plans,” and a giant vitamin pack that says “I’m trying to live past 40.” Honestly, you can tell an entire biography about someone just by their grocery haul.

The cashier leans in with that conspiratorial wink and coos, “You must be in big trouble, honey—those flowers are stunning!” She practically flutters around him, pitching scenarios: anniversary rescue, apology for forgetting Valentine’s Day, maybe he accidentally joined a florist’s loyalty program. My inner romantic couldn’t help but cringe for this poor guy under the floral spotlight.

So, I clear my throat and jump in with my best “nobody panic” tone: “Or—hear me out—you’re just a really nice guy who likes to surprise a lucky lady.” Because, duh, chivalry is alive and well in Trixie’s world. He turns, gives me that roguish grin, and drops, “Nice guy? I used to be, but my ex-wife saw to it I quit that hobby.”

Without missing a beat, I flash my trademark smirk and reply, “Well, those are still beautiful flowers—and you’re the nicest asshole I’ve ever met.” He bursts out laughing, the cashier nearly chokes on her gum, and I swear I saw the broccoli crown in the next cart salute me.

Driving home, I couldn’t shake his confession about ex-wives and lost niceness. Been there, done that—marriage can do a number on your sweet side. But if that whiskey-flower-vitamins combo taught me anything, it’s that a few good men are still out there, bouquets in hand, ready to prove us romantics right. And frankly? I can’t wait to see what aisle they’re hiding in next.